This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I’m so excited to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, click here!
The goal of this It’s All About Love Blog Tour is to show that happy, healthy marriages are possible. Since I guide brides through exactly what they need to know to be their most beautiful {outside & in} on their wedding day plus help them lay a healthy foundation for their marriage, my hope is that writing this letter to my engaged self will help brides-to-be understand a little more of what to expect.
Although we each have our own stories and every marriage is different, I hope you find some inspiration and relatedness no matter what stage you are in, in your relationship.
Here goes….
Dear Engaged Self,
Where in the world do I begin? You are in for a beautiful, challenging, eye opening, wouldn’t have it any other way journey.
What you envision for marriage is not at all how it works. Actually, I know you don’t fully understand your expectations at this point, you simply are in love, but man do these expectations and needs get more apparent after you’re married.
Marriage is work. There’s no escaping this. You have to work on it every day. We are human, we get irritable and frustrated, and we oftentimes take it out on our most cherished loved ones.
You have to work on being your most loving, selfless self each day. Even when he forgets 5 out of the 5 things you asked him to help you with, even when he doesn’t rinse the dishes off first before putting them in the dishwasher {you’ll get annoyed about the dishes more than you really think you would!}, but mostly even when you feel he’s hurt or disappointed you.
You will learn different sides of him. Love these sides too.
Make it a priority to put his needs first, above your own. Because that’s what marriage is all about.
Communication. You hear all about how important communicating with your spouse is, but not until you’re in the marriage do you understand the true importance of this.
Understand that marriage is a mirror. It shows you who you really are. It shows you what areas you struggle with and need to improve most. Allow this to change you and grow you.
Life somehow gets more serious. But, you can do your part in making it less serious. Have more fun. Allow yourself to laugh more. A lot more. Enjoy the process. Don’t ever stop dating each other.
Don’t be afraid of alone time.
Sometimes he’s going to be the last person you want to see and in the same breath the only person you want to see. It’s a strange thing.
You will face challenges together which will oddly manifest into blessings.
Take care of your health. Healthy foods make you feel better, so does exercise. Enjoy cooking together and working out together more often.
“The more love you give, the more you’ll receive.” This is so true. Remember this quote from your mama.
Another quote to remember: “Choose to be kind over being right and you’ll be right every time.”
Pray through it all. Have faith. Your marriage will strengthen the closer you get to God. Make praying together a priority, it’s a powerful thing.
In the end, marriage is one of the biggest blessings you’ll ever receive. You’ll grow closer than you can imagine. And remember that no one escapes challenges and heartache in this world, don’t be the cause of that for each other. Hold on tight to each other, and be true partners. The two of you will be much stronger united rather than on your own.
To your next amazing chapter in life, Kara
Now, back to you…Thank you so much for reading!
I’d love to hear from you! In the comment section below, please tell me:
- Did any points in my letter really resonate with you?
- What are some things you would add to your own letter?
Marriage, love + letters,
Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy here.
Hi Kara!
What a lovely and inspiring post. My favorite line? “What you envision for marriage is not at all how it works.”
I totally relate to that. It turned out much better in real life than my imagination. I was scared of learning to be a good wife when I first got married and then realized being a wife was being me – together with my hubby – as a team – every day. And I could totally do that.
XO
Maggie
Hi Maggie!
Thank you so much for your comment! So happy you enjoyed the post.
I love how you said it turned out much better in real life than your imagination! So true 🙂
Plus, it can be scary in the beginning not knowing how to be a good wife. But, you stated it perfectly…being you + your husband to create your team. Love it!
I loved what you said about being kind instead of being right. It really hit me, because I tend to do the opposite at times. I’m trying to work on it, but hearing you put it that way really resonated with me.
Hi Katie!
So glad you found that point to be helpful! And you’re not alone…this is something I continue to work on as well. It can be challenging to let go of being right sometimes, but kindness always wins for both sides. 🙂
What a beautiful letter! Great wisdom and insight! I hope all brides-to-be will read so they a clearer idea of what’s ahead. Marriage IS beautiful but also hard and spouses need to be prepared to work, fight, love, and REMEMBER why they fell in love in the first place! Thanks for sharing, Kara!
Thank you so much for your comment, Shanna! So happy you enjoyed!
Yes, remembering why they fell in love! This can get lost sometimes with day-to-day stuff and/or stress causing couples to forget how much they really love each other. Great point!
That was such a beautiful, honest and heartfelt letter. I love the quote!
This is beautiful, Kara! So many points resonated with me and made me think I should go back and write a letter to my engaged self, as well. Maggie may have already asked you this but I would love to feature this article on the home page of Happy Wives Club. I’m trying to choose 5 or 6 posts from the blog tour I think my community would absolutely love! If you are willing, will you email me at fawn(at)happywivesclub(dot)com? And THANK YOU for joining the blog tour. This is such a beautiful post.
Hi Fawn,
I’m so happy you enjoyed this post and found several points that resonated with you! And I highly recommend writing a letter to your engaged self. It was so rewarding and made me really reflect, laugh at the things I had no idea I was in for, and tear up a bit, but more than anything, it reminded me of where my husband and I began and that the love is still very much there.
It is such a privilege to be a part of the blog tour as I LOVE what you do and appreciate the inspiration and encouragement you provide wives and couples. I would be honored to have this post shared on your home page and just emailed both you and Maggie! Thank you so much!!
I loved this post, Kara. Really wonderful thoughts, well articulated. I remember being warned about the “having to be right” mentality when we were first married, but I hadn’t heard the quote you included. That’s a great way to put it. Kindness is always right. So is showing mercy – and forgiving each other… Thinking the best of your spouse and his/her intentions. What a great addition to the Happy Wives Club!
Thank you so much for your sweet comment, Sue! So glad you enjoyed the post!
“And remember that no one escapes challenges and heartache in this world, don’t be the cause of that for each other.” A perfect reminder to your future self. We always start taking people for granted when they’ve been in or lives for a long time, but we need to remember that joy that they once brought us.
Thank you for sharing, Johanna! So happy you found that quote to be helpful. You are so right, we definitely need to remember the joy our loved ones bring into our lives. 🙂
“Understand that marriage is a mirror. It shows you who you really are”
My husband and I celebrate our 7 months married this last weekend. Definitely marriage is not what you expect while you are engaged, it something that makes you happy and also the most unhappy person. It is indeed difficult to explained.
I’ve tried my best to be a loving wife, I wish to say it is quite easy, but no. However, it is nice to know that so many of us lice the same experiences, thank you for making me feel I’m not alone in this journey.
This is the first time I read you, I will continue doing it.
Thank you so much for sharing, Becky! Yes, it really is difficult to explain the emotions we feel in marriage, especially the first several years. You are so not alone on this journey…many wives struggle to be the “best wife” and to be as loving as possible. And it definitely can be hard! It’s an every day decision to work on your marriage and to keep trying your best each day. It will change you, in a good way if you allow it to. It will help mold your character and allow you to fully understand what unconditional love is. Keep working at it and praying through it all, and the harder days will decrease and the amazing days will increase! xoxo