14 Things My Husband and I Have Learned in 4 Years of MarriageIn July, my husband, Michael, and I celebrated our 4-year anniversary.  We’ve been through a lot in our 4 little years. Not many people talk about how much work marriage can be especially in the beginning. There are ups and downs, great times and challenging times. Times filled with tears and times filled with so much laughter and love you remember exactly why you are together.

Michael and I decided to collaborate on this blog post to share some of the things we’ve learned in the last four years. Some are light and fun and some are more personal. 

1. Without God as our foundation, we would’ve never made it. At least not with the peace and love we currently have. We started to go down a path of arguments and some doubts, which can be so scary. But, it wasn’t until we truly put God first and aimed to give selflessly to the other, did we grow much closer and experience joy and peace even during struggles and trials.

2. It has changed us and continues to change us. Marriage definitely has the power to change you…sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways. Work hard on letting it change you in a good way; it’s really up to you. It forces you to see the parts of yourself that you know need to be improved. This definitely can be difficult and uncomfortable. But, it’s inevitable and you’ve got to do it.

3. I said this in my post A Letter to My Engaged Self, but wanted to share again: “And remember that no one escapes challenges and heartache in this world; don’t be the cause of that for each other. Hold on tight to each other, and be true partners. The two of you will be much stronger united rather than on your own.”

4. You have to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes to see what they need in the moment and meet them where they are. For example, when my husband may need to vent, I tend to problem solve for him. But, most of the time, he just needs to talk and me to listen. And then for me, it’s the opposite. I’m all about wanting to hear solutions when I’m worrying and my mind won’t shut off.

5. When life feels overly serious, which it often does once you’re married, we try and make it a priority to have fun, go on dates, play around, tease each other, make up songs and dance in the kitchen.

6. Find good friends who encourage you in your marriage and encourage you to be better people in general. These friends are such a blessing.

7. It’s ideal when one can pick the other one up if the other spouse is going through a rough time, but when you both feel beaten up, that’s when you really need to cling together and work to get through the storm.

8. How you treat each other has to be more important than whatever stressors that are going on day-to-day. Those stressful situations change, but your spouse remains there…supporting you and encouraging you.

9. It’s crucial to put in the time and effort. It has to be a top priority. Take action, meaning partake in activities that will grow you and your marriage. Workout together, do fun hobbies together, go to marriage classes, and read inspiring books on marriage. For us, the Bible is our greatest inspiration as it profoundly defines true love.

These last five I decided to write down as my husband’s direct quotes on some additional things he’s learned. Just too cute to try and paraphrase.


10. “She continues to ask me my opinion on almost everything even though we both know she’s already made up in her mind her decision, which is usually the opposite of what I say.”

11. “Don’t bother setting an alarm clock because she’ll always wake you up.”

12. “You’ll always be called to do something when you’re one step away from being out of ear’s reach.” And he pretends not to hear me sometimes when I call his name. {I just know it!}

13. “You better be good at sharing…food.” This is a real struggle for both of us! More so him!

14. “Every day you learn something new you love about the person if you keep your mind open.”

There are many more things we could share, but we will stop here! We hope you found some encouragement and inspiration from this post.

We know marriage can be tough at times, but it’s all worth it. It’s worth it to fight for your marriage and allow it to be the blessing it was intended to be. You’ll grow closer than you can imagine.

If you’re married, engaged, or in a relationship, can you relate to anything we’ve shared?  Please share below if you’d like!